I Went To The Pool and All I Got Was This Lousy Camel Toad

(Click on the image first and read the article. Trust me on this one.)

Well, since it's exam time, it's time to bring out the crazy. Fortunately, this was sent to me today courtesy of M.Babe. Reading this article reminded me of this book I read in high school where one of the characters would smoke pot while reading Reader's Digest to get in touch with middle America. I just love, love, love this article on so many levels, and feel like it has provided me a similar insight.

First of all there is the fact that this woman's paranoia is so extreme that she is actually reading something that belongs to her godson, not even her own child. Maybe those "The More You Know" ads are so effective that even non-parents are getting on the concern-for-kids bandwagon.

Secondly, I love that this woman immediately attributes a word she doesn't understand to drugs, rather than say a "newfangled video game", or the name of a water polo group, or even an actual toad that could conceivably be near water like a pool. No, her mind went directly to drugs.

Third, I love that when she couldn't find any reference to camel toads in a drug book, she latched onto what is more or less an urban legend of licking frogs to get high (Full disclosure -- this apparently works with certain species of frogs, but just licking random frogs does nothing other than single you out as an idiot).

I love that she wants to know if the authorities need to be involved to protect other innocent pool goers from the clutches of the vicious camel toad.

I also love the language employed by this letter. My favorite passage states:
"He is a good boy in middle school and his parents do not even drink. Please let me know what camel toads are and how I might be able to tell if he is smoking, taking, or licking them."

I love the implication that if his parents even drank, how much more likely this middle schooler would be to seek the thrill of the illicit camel toad. And that she asks in a series the signs for "smoking, taking, or licking" the camel toad. This godmother is thorough!

And lastly, there's the refreshing fact that this boy got busted because he was writing an actual letter -- not sending an email, text, or IM. And this got me thinking...do normal American boys actually sit down and write letters to their friends? Unless they're Amish or their parents have banned them from technology, then I'm going to say, for the most part "No." This insight in turn makes me think that this whole letter is a joke designed to entice an advice columnist to devote an entire entry to the camel toe. The equivalent of calling a bar and asking if there is a "Seymour Butts" in the joint.

And if that is in fact the case...well played Camel Toad, well played.