Tuesday, January 23, 2007

The Worst Tattoo I've Ever Seen (In Person)

First of all, let me say that I am not a hater. No, for real. I find some tattoos to bequite pretty, like the one in the ManRay photo at left.

There was also a girl who used to work at the museum across the street from my museum who had
the most amazing cyprus tree tattooed across her back and sholders. It was entirely in black and white, but it was really amazing. I've always wanted to make a wood print inspired by it.


But sadly, most tattoos are not of the aforementioned vareity. The vast majority seem designed to tip off the general public that the wearer is a complete and utter moron. Especially if you have the design at left for instance. It's the permanent equivalent of an airbrushed t-shirt.

For a full sampling I recommend this site (be sure to visit all the pages). The Dragon (at the end of part 2) is the most disturbing by far I think.



It's even worse if you're like my classy friend here who decides to get said lame tattoo directly over the crack of her ass. You know, to compliment one's thong selection. My favorite part of this picture is how you can see the thong tag sticking out under the tat.

Notin' says class like tats on your ass.

While the dolphin tattoos I've described previously are incredibly lame, they don't say, rise to the level of incredibly bad. I had never seen such a tatoo in person until last evening when I saw a conservatively dressed woman - jeans, black sweater, black heels - who had an enormous face tatooed on the top of her foot.

Nothing about it was as attractive as the tattoos at left. Indeed, it looked like she'd gone to a novice since the face was totally mishapen and more or less monochromatic.

As we ate our ice cream in celebration of EZ's birthday, her malformed footface continued to stare at me and I found I could not look away. I told my friends about the tatoo and they attempted to discretely look at it. EZ however had gone to the bathroom and when he returned, his back was to the footface-tattoo.

To remedy this situtation, Big N said to EZ when he sat back down "Look at me and listen to Tiny." Tiny then described footface-tat to EZ. I'm not quite sure what purpose this served, but I'm sure it was to add to the subterfuge. Then in a carefully orchestrated maneuver
, Big N "dropped" a napkin which EZ picked up allowing him to see the tattoo.

This operation was clearly worthy of a spy movie. Especially since Big N and EZ are not what one would generally call "subtle". In fact, I have often commented that EZ were he ever to join the CIA would be most effective as a "leak".

I'm not sure why we didn't all just outright stare. Afterall, if you have a crazy face tattooed on your foot, you have to be inviting the stares.


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