Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Your Tax Dollars At Work

I have miserable ass allergies. It seems like every few weeks this summer I get some sort of massive allergy attack that makes me want to dose myself up with antihistamines and decongestants and enter a coma until my mucusy debacle is over. But being a working stiff does not allow this luxury.

Today is one of the days I felt like crap, so I headed to Walgreens because I'm out of antihistamines. I get to the appropriate isle only to discover there is no Clariting D. WTF? I ask the pharmacist if they've just failed to restock. She informs me that they have to keep track of who purchases Claritin D and I'll have to come to the other line (of course) and produce ID. Mind you I purchased Claritin D from this very drugstore a few weeks ago.

"What sort of ID?" I ask. I'm thinking if they're going to do something as assinine as put claritin behind the counter then no doubt I have to have some special ID that says I can buy it, but no, I merely need to produce my drivers license so that all of my pertinent data can be copied down.

Ok, usually I think all that government spying on you shit is slightly paranoid, but this did strike me as totally invasive. I realize 16 year olds in rural areas convert acetametaphin into speed, but I just have damn allergies. And honestly, if I wanted some speed, I just buy some from the junkie loitering outside of Walgreens. Or some Coke. Or meth. Whatever, but I am seriously not going to go to the trouble to distill antihistamines into some sort of super drug. I just want to breath freely, assholes. Give me my fix!

So now, stupid stupid pharmacist lady and I have the most inefficient conversation in the universe:

"How many would you like?"
"Well, what are my choices?"
"I have boxes of 10, 20, and 30?"
"What's the price?"
"You know what, never mind, just give me 20."
"12 hour or 24 hour?"
"24 hour."
"Walgreens or Brand?"
"Ok, in the Brand I only have a box of 15."
I glare at the pharmacist for a good 10 seconds. "Fine. Whatever."

The pharmacist seemed to be hitting the good stuff herself and spoke very, very slowly, which made this conversation take 5 times as long to happen as it just took you to read it. Also keep in mind that in the world where I can actually purchase this over the counter, it would take all of 2 seconds to grab the appropriate box.

Pharmacist lady then proceeds to take my drivers license and copy the information which takes another 5 minutes and then make me sign for it. I want to shout IT'S FUCKING CLARITIN. CLARITIN!

I am now in a murderous rage. I skulk out of Walgreens with my claritin and lotiony tissues and I'm tempted to buy some shit from the junkie and walk inside and show it to the pharmacist. I realize that the pharmacist is not the real problem, but her bucolic attitude was maddening.

I can hardly wait for the morning after pill to be sold "over the counter." If Texas has anything to say about it they'll require ID so, you know, they can keep track of the "hos".

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