Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Today's Celebrity Birthday: Vin Diesel

That’s right ladies and gents, what better follow-up or counterpoint could there be to The Hoff but The Vin? From meatball head to chrome dome; this cannot be by accident! Perhaps this is proof of intelligent design? But you know, I just really like this picture. I find the redundant close-up of his face to be a nice touch – just in case I forgot who I was looking at in half the picture, the other half gives me a quick one-two punch to remind me, hey baby, you’re looking at Vin Diesel. Yeah.

But see here, I’m starting to get a little bit scared. I’m not really comfortable with these artistic nude, heroic poses we’ve got going on here. I mean, before it was The Hoff. It was the 80’s, a more innocent and gentle time. Meatball-head was a good thing. Chicks dug his fluffy chest hair. The puppies I can’t explain, nor the banana hammock/cardigan combo, maybe it was the cocaine talking, but then again the man drove a talking car. Some mysteries are not meant to be unraveled.

But really here people, looking at this just weirds me out a bit. Actually it weirds me out a lot. I mean, yes it’s true he works out a great deal, but please, for the love of god, Vin Diesel, put your clothes back on. Thank you. I’m not even sure who these pictures are for – the ladies who love XXX and The Fast and The Furious? Like NASCAR, this is a fascination I cannot fathom.
But to give credit where credit is due, I was all set to make fun of his film repertoire, which at best, is highly limited. But then I started reading his IMDB mini-bio and then I started feeling kind of bad for the guy. His mom is an astrologer/psychologist (i.e. completely crazy) he doesn’t know who his father is, and he has a fraternal twin brother. One bio says that he is half African-American/ Half Italian American and actually his first film was called “Multi-Facial” that he wrote based on his experiences as a multi-ethnic actor. The film screened at Cannes. His next film was called “Strays”, again written, produced, directed and starring The Vin –and it screened at Sundance. So, he’s kind of doing a whole Sylvester Stalone thing (does anybody remember that he wrote the original "Rocky", which is a good film?). So I guess he’s got some street cred.

I’m sorry, Vin Diesel, I'm sorry. Just put your clothes back on and we’ll retreat to our respective corners. And Happy Birthday.

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