Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Big N is Captain of Her Ship

D, Big N, and I (Texas) are all in the same Contracts class in which our professor takes attendance and requires us to sign in. One day D borrowed a pen from Big N to go sign in, and forgot about it and, "allegedly" put it in her backpack at the end of class.

Cut to several days later.


D is a sucker for crazy internet stuff a
and found a picture of this two headed baby which she sent to her fellow sick friends, including myself and Big N. Big N replied to the email "Wow, I can't believe that's not photoshopped. Oh and by the way, did you steal my pen?" Clearly the reply to D's email was just a pretense to ask about the pen. D responded to Big N's email saying something along the lines of "Blah blah blah it's not photoshopped and I didn't steal your pen."

The next day Big N confronts D in the hall: "I know you have my pen," she says very agitated with lots of arm flailing. "I loaned it to you to sign in the other day." D is bewildered, as any sane person would be, and replies that she doesn't know what Big N is talking about and says she thought she borrowed the pen from me. Big N gets increasingly agitated, saying that the pen was in fact hers and she saw it next to D's laptop and she was going to ask for it back but then she didn't want to be rude and take it because she thought D might need it. Somehow in Big N's mind it is less rude to accost someone about the pen for 3 days than to merely take it back, but I digress. About this time I roll up as the agitation level increases and confirm that D did not borrow a pen from me. Validated, Big N starts to get more upset since D has no idea what has become of the pen.


What to learn from this? Even though Big N is all of 5'3", don't take her stuff. She'll cut you.

So today we have Contracts and Big N generously loans the boy who sits next to her a pen. Mind you, she doesn't feel too warmly towards this boy since he coughs on her all the time and because of this chronic condition she refers to him as "Ebola." Although Big N is territorial about her belongings, she feels it would be just a bit too antisocial not to share, so she forces herself to do so. But no good deed goes unpunished, and at the end of class Ebola cuts out taking Big N's pen (I'm sure you can see where this is going).

Meanwhile, everyone starts to pack up their stuff and Big N accidentally grabs D's book and starts to put it in her bag. D stops her and Big N says "I don't know what it is about this class but it makes everybody kleptos." She mentions the pen D "allegedly" stole, and how Candy Girl had stolen her coffee mug, and it is at that moment that she realizes Ebola has escaped with an article that belongs to her -- which is completely unacceptable -- so she busts out the door. Meanwhile D and I have a question for the professor about a problem so we are hanging back waiting to talk to him.

Five minutes later Big N busts back through the door waving her pen triumphantly shouting "That's right, I 'm the captain of my ship," with a gleeful look on her face. D and I laugh and ask what took so long. When Big N realized Ebola was gone, she first looked for him in the downstairs lounge, but no dice, so she shot up a floor to lockers where she managed to hunt him down. She corners him and demands her pen explaining "Sorry, I'm kind of weird about this." Ebola apparently replies that it's no problem and it was his fault for taking it. Of course this is what Big N said, so who knows how smoothly this went in real life.

Even though he "allegedly" took it well, I doubt Ebola will be asking to borrow a pen from her anytime soon.

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