I Now Own A Ridiculous Pair Of Shorts

Yes, my shorts actually say "I heart USA." I'm not sure what the most offensive part of these shorts is.

Is it the lower case "i" in jaunty font? Is it the stripey heart of darkness? The "usa" in lower case letters with no periods making it seem that I love a Russian woman named Usa?

Oh, the plethora of sins these shorts present!

In my defense, they were an emergency purchase. In my move to Austin, I somehow neglected to bring a single pair of shorts with me, and since I frequently like to ride my bike, shorts are a must. I saw these the other day as I was leaving target and discovered that they were a mere $4.99. Holy foreign slave labor, these shorts are the answer to my prayers!

However, when I made my ill fated purchased I neglected to note the inscription on the fold over waist band. Yes, apparently that's what the young girls do these days: they take already fairly short shorts and roll the band over so that they can go from zero to ho in less than 5 seconds. Nothing says "I love America" like ho-shorts with a patriotic message emblazoned across one's ass.

I feel like Britney Spears already.