Wednesday, May 31, 2006

I Now Own A Ridiculous Pair Of Shorts

Yes, my shorts actually say "I heart USA." I'm not sure what the most offensive part of these shorts is.

Is it t
he lower case "i" in jaunty font? Is it the stripey heart of darkness? The "usa" in lower case letters with no periods making it seem that I love a Russian woman named Usa?

Oh, the plethora of sins these shorts present!

In my defense, they were an emergency purchase. In my move to Austin, I somehow neglected to bring a single pair of shorts with me, and since I frequently like to ride my bike, shorts are a must. I saw these the other day as I was leaving target and discovered that they were a mere $4.99. Holy foreign slave labor, these shorts are the answer to my prayers!

However, when I made my ill fated purchased I neglected to note the inscription on the fold over waist band. Yes, apparently that's what the young girls do these days: they take already fairly short shorts and roll the band over so that they can go from zero to ho in less than 5 seconds. Nothing says "I love America" like ho-shorts with a patriotic message emblazoned across one's ass.

I feel like Britney Spears already.

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