Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Things Thag and I Think Are Funny But Nobody Else Does

The other day I was staring blankly at my blog thinking to myself perhaps I should hang up my spurs. Or my keyboard. Or whatever bloggers hang up. I was feeling things were getting stale, mainly because I have so little going on right now in my life I have few stories to relate - I mean, it's been at least four weeks since I've been pooped on. This has left me only the ability to comment on the more banal aspects of pop culture. And let's face it, there's a whole bunch of people who are better at it than me - and you're on my blogroll.

So long story long, I was thinking of quitting or perhaps going on hiatus for a while. But then The Guv'ner awarded me the I'm Fabulous award (one of five worthy of the honor). And then I thought to myself, no, Yay though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I shall gird my loins and continue the good fight. So without further ado, I bring a string of
random nonsense that I find amusing. Enjoy. Or don't. Screw you - I'm fabulous.


*Ikea - I love to buy stuff from Ikea, not just the furniture items, but the useless throw away items like paper napkins and bamboo skewers because they've got fun names like "Splarg!" and "Lartf!" Ok, so I don't know the actual names, but the fun comes in when I just make up a name and ask my roomates about it. For example, I'll point to the empty paper napkin holder and say "Hey guys, do we have any Splarg! left?" Then I laugh to myself, while my roommates, EZ and Tiny, look at me with disgust and mild amusement respectively.

*John Basedow - I must see his ad at least 20 times a day. And yet, it never ceases to amuse me. Never. His insane frosted locks. The fact that even though he's ridiculously sculpted, he still seems to give off the vibe of a 98 pound weakling. His terrible Hulk Hogan inspired wardrobe. The incredibly low production value of his television ads - please take special notice of the fact that all the cheap graphics are squished as the person who designed them didn't know about the differences in pixel output from computer to TV (on the computer they are square - on the TV they are rectangles so you have to adjust). I sometimes even find myself singing his insane little theme song: "Fitness maaaaade siiiiiiiiiiim-ple". I almost made Tiny crazy on the metro the other day humming it.

*Aerogarden - Good god, have you seen this thing?! It's amazing. It's "the world's first indoor smart garden - It's so easy to use that anyone, with or without gardening experience can grow lush, beautiful gardens right in your home!" If you've got one of these things you have a very serious commitment to growing your own herbs. Really, I think the thing is meant for pot heads to grow their own special herb, but hey, I'm not here to judge. And seriously, if I had $150+ dollars to throw down a hole and the space for an indoor garden I would so have one of these. EZ and Tiny have completely forbidden me from engaging in this foolishness, but don't think I haven't thought about it. Specifically about all places in the house where I could conceal a 16" long by 10 1/2" wide by 15 1/2" high herb garden.

*Hanging Chads - So I have a friend named Chad, and the Halloween after Al Gore lost/won the presidency I tried to convince him to go as a "Hanging Chad" for Halloween. What would this costume have consisted of?
1) a noose draped around his neck
2) a "HELLO my name is CHAD" nametag

I also suggested "Dimpled Chad" if he didn't want to fully commit.



Thag and I thought it was brilliant.






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