Thursday, March 01, 2007

Quote of the Week

Shrek the Third Preview: ....blah blah blah RUMPLESTILTSKIN blah blah....

EZ: Did he say "Flabbydickskin"?

Um, no.

It's really not EZ's fault though, it's Craigslists fault. See I was talking to my friend Giacomo a while back and he said "Honey, when I'm having a bad day and want to feel normal I read the Craigslists personals." And like convincing your friends to shoot heroin, a new Craig addict was born. And then I got EZ hooked. And then Tiny as well. And ever since we started reading the personals, we think that everything has a latent/blatent pornographic content.

I don't merely read the men 4 women; no, I read THEM ALL. It's a fascinating study of human nature. And it's also hillarious. I'll list them in ascending order of interest:

The lesbians in NOLA are presently arguing if this list should be available to bisexual women, or just straight up lesbians. The rest of the postings are mostly Angelina Jolie sightings.

Straight women are kinda boring, mostly listing tons of requirements, because let's face it, the ball is pretty much in their court since they're a lady looking for a hookup.

Straight men are ridiculous. They ones that don't post a picture all describe themselves as good looking; the ones who post a picture are generally not good looking. Sometimes they'll post a pic of their genetalia. Common themes include "No strings attached" or "No drama" which translates to "I want to sleep with you, and I won't call you again." Beware the ones that claim to be sensitive. That translates either to "loser" or "I want to make a vest out of your skin."

The Gay men are by far the most hillarious. In NOLA it's pretty much "I"m staying in this hotel. Email me your pic. Let's hook up." The other 50% of posting are pictures of genetalia. I guess they think that speaks for itself.

You can see why a few reads of this will thrust your mind into the gutter. And I bet you're heading to Craigslist right now.

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